jordi, xoxo.

Just a thought..

Everybody in the world has been hurt both emotionally and physically. I myself, have been hurt more than I could ever try to count. I’ve made people my world, I’ve damaged my body over people, I’ve cried night and day over people.

Now that I look back, those people meant more to me than I EVER cherished when I had them. Either boyfriends, friends, family; it’s all the same. I’ve been fucked over, I’ve fucked people over. Sometimes I’ve gotten what I deserved, and sometimes I didn’t deserve any of the shit I had to go through. I could complain for weeks about my past, but what’s it going to change? Only my present. Complaining is only making my present and future Hell. Thinking about the past, and feeling sorry for myself is only bringing me down as a person today.

With that being said, I know a lot of other people feel the same way. They complain, they tell everyone their problems; only so people can give them sympathy. They keep their lives stay shitty. They make themselves go through Hell, instead of forgetting things and moving on and becoming stronger. 

I’m not saying I’m not guilty of this, because we all are. But what I am saying is that I’m done with all of it.

I live for myself, nobody else. People will come and go all throughout my life, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

In the end, I want to die happy with the people who genuinely care for me; not mourning over my past and about how I could have changed things. 

<3 my beautiful life..

I just finished listening to a song, and it’s been one of my favorite songs for the longest times, but they lyrics finally got through to me..

Then i awake up
Wonder where my clothes are
Try to find some more stars
And i’m stuck with the same old thing
That i always dream
I light a cigarette
And it’s not right
Where’s my ashtray
Where the hell did i put my coffee
I can’t find anything
One thing goes wrong
And then another
It’s a beautiful life
Thank you mother
And i’ve got nothing to lose
It’s the same game
It’s a beautiful life
It’s a beautiful life
When i’m up in the air
When i’m down on the floor
I can use a sharper knife
Is there anything else
Is there anything more
This is my beautiful life
And the poetry’s crushing me
This is my beautiful life
I put my clothes on
To the ground near me
Does anyone know
Has anyone found me
I guess i’ll just have to wait
Until the next life
Hang around for the next laugh
I’m part of something
The bigger part of nothing
And i’m debating
Do i even like me
And everybody’s trying so hard
To be so cool
But you know what’s cool
Not trying
I’m crawling across
And i can’t get out
Will it wash me away
The currents pulling me down
I was looking for love
But it’s never around
Come on help me out
One more time
And i was hoping
Someone would need me
It’s a beautiful life
Everything’s broken
Just as it should be
But it’s beautiful to me

something about this song makes me love it.

although it seems like he’s having a rough life, he still looks at it positively. and that’s something I don’t do.. so from now on, I’m going to follow this song, and be more positive, and no matter what happens, know that life is going to have its ups and downs, I’ll just have to get over it. because no matter what, it’s a beautiful life. :)

I’ve noticed that all my life, I’ve wanted to be something. like, someone who helps someone with their life.

but I’ve always been too busy to make my life “perfect.”  I always try to live up to peoples standards.

I use to work my ass off for other people to “love” me and then I got hurt in the end. but now, I don’t even have to try to be anything but myself.

I don’t care what people think about me. because in 2 years, I’ll be gone. I’ll be out of Ohio. so why live up to everyone else’s standards?

I don’t need anyone but myself and God in my life.

and I’m okay with that.

<3